House Rules
House Rules The rules a venue or party host sets for everyone attending, covering conduct, consent, phones and play areas.
- What it means
- Where the line actually sits
- How it plays out
- Agreeing it with your partner
- Saying it to other people
- What it does not mean
- House rules and couple rules side by side
- Common mistakes
- Often confused with
- Questions people ask
- Related terms
What it means
House rules are the rules a club, host or event sets for everyone present. They cover conduct, consent, phones, dress, play areas and what happens when a rule is broken.
They are separate from a couple's own rules. House rules apply to every guest, while your personal rules apply only to the two of you.
Most venues publish their rules and repeat them at the door. Hosts of private parties usually send them with the invitation.
Breaking a house rule usually means being asked to leave. Serious breaches, particularly around consent, often mean a permanent ban.
Where the line actually sits
Some venues run a short list, such as no means no, no phones and no single men. Others publish several pages covering every area of the building.
Rules on single men vary most. Some venues welcome them on certain nights, some limit numbers and some exclude them entirely.
Rules on alcohol and substances vary too. Some venues serve drinks, some are bring your own and some are dry.
Private hosts often add personal rules. Which rooms are open, where bags go and when the evening ends are common examples.
How it plays out
At a club the rules are enforced by staff and hosts. Most have a procedure for complaints and act on them quickly.
At a house party the host is the whole enforcement system. Guests are expected to raise problems with the host, and hosts usually act at once.
At a hotel takeover the organizer's rules sit on top of the hotel's own. Discretion in public areas is almost always required.
At a resort the rules cover a whole property for several days. Reading them before booking avoids surprises about dress, photos or play areas.
Agreeing it with your partner
Read the rules together before you go. Knowing them prevents one partner from being embarrassed by something the other assumed.
Talk about how the house rules interact with your own. A venue that allows something does not mean the two of you allow it.
Agree what you will do if you see a rule broken. Reporting it to staff is usually the right call, and deciding that in advance makes it easier.
Agree that either of you can leave if the rules are not being enforced. A venue that does not protect its guests is not worth staying at.
Saying it to other people
Refer to the rules when declining something. Saying that the house does not allow it is an easy exit that offends nobody.
Do not lecture other guests about rules. Report problems to staff and let them handle it.
If you are hosting, state your rules clearly and early, then enforce them evenly. Guests respect a host who does both.
Ask staff if you are unsure whether something is allowed. They would rather answer a question than deal with a problem later.
What it does not mean
- House rules protect your personal limits. They protect everyone's basic safety. Your own limits are yours to state and hold.
- Every club has the same rules. Rules vary widely on single men, alcohol, phones and play areas. Read them each time.
- Rules are only for beginners. They apply to everyone. Regulars are often held to a higher standard, not a lower one.
- Breaking a rule once is no big deal. Consent breaches often mean a permanent ban on the first offense. Venues talk to each other too.
- Reporting someone causes drama. Good venues want reports. Staff cannot act on what they do not know.
House rules and couple rules side by side
| House rules | Couple rules | |
|---|---|---|
| Who sets them | The venue or host | The two of you |
| Who they apply to | Every guest | Only the couple |
| Who enforces them | Staff or the host | The couple themselves |
| Consequence of a breach | Removal or a ban | Whatever the couple agreed |
| Can they change on the night | No | Only by narrowing |
| Where to find them | Published or stated at the door | Agreed at home |
Common mistakes
- Arriving without reading the rules, then being surprised by a dress code or a phone policy.
- Assuming a venue's permission means your partner's permission.
- Handling a rule breach yourself instead of telling staff.
- Treating a bring your own policy as an invitation to drink heavily.
- Ignoring a host's request because it seemed minor.
- Staying at a venue that visibly fails to enforce its own rules.
Often confused with
Rules, meaning the private rules a couple agrees between themselves. House rules come from the venue and apply to everyone, while couple rules come from you and apply only to your relationship.
Questions people ask
What are house rules?
The rules a club, host or event sets for everyone attending. They cover conduct, consent, phones, dress and play areas.
Where do you find them?
Most venues publish them online and repeat them at the door. Private hosts usually send them with the invitation.
What happens if someone breaks a rule?
Usually removal from the event. Consent breaches often lead to a permanent ban.
Do house rules cover my own limits?
No. They cover basic safety and conduct. Your personal limits are yours to state.
Are phones always banned?
Almost always in play areas, and often throughout. Check the specific venue.
Can I bring alcohol?
That depends on the venue. Some serve drinks, some are bring your own and some are dry.
What should a private host include?
Consent expectations, phone policy, which rooms are open, where belongings go and when the evening ends.
Should I report a rule breach?
Yes. Tell staff or the host rather than confronting the person yourself.
Do rules differ between takeovers and clubs?
Yes. Takeovers add hotel rules, usually requiring discretion in public areas.
Related terms
Browse every term in the swinger glossary, or find a venue in the swinger club directory.
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