Unicorn
Unicorn A single woman who plays with couples, named for being rare and much sought after.
- What it means
- Where the line actually sits
- How it plays out
- Agreeing it with your partner
- Saying it to other people
- What it does not mean
- Common mistakes
- Often confused with
- Questions people ask
- Related terms
What it means
A unicorn is a single woman who plays with couples. The name comes from the idea that such a person is rare and much in demand.
The word is descriptive in origin and contested in use. Plenty of single women use it happily about themselves. Plenty of others dislike it.
The objection is usually not to the word but to how couples behave. Being treated as an accessory to someone else's relationship is the complaint.
In practice the word covers a very wide range. It stretches from a woman who occasionally plays with a couple to one seeking an ongoing arrangement.
Where the line actually sits
Some single women embrace the term and use it in their own profiles.
Others find it reductive, because it names them by their scarcity and their usefulness to a couple.
A few use it ironically, particularly when describing couples who approach badly.
The safest approach is to use whichever word she uses about herself, and not to apply it to anyone who has not.
How it plays out
Clubs often admit single women free or at a low rate, which is why the single female price is usually the lowest on the board.
House parties frequently limit single men while welcoming single women, which shapes the ratio at most events.
Online, couples searching for a single woman is one of the most common profile types, which is the source of much of the frustration.
At well run venues, single women report being looked after. Many clubs walk them to their cars and take complaints seriously.
Agreeing it with your partner
If you are a couple hoping to meet a single woman, agree first what you are actually offering her.
Agree how you will behave if she is interested in one of you more than the other. This is the most common point of failure.
Agree that she can leave, change her mind or lose interest at any point, and that this is not a problem to be solved.
Be honest with each other about whether you want a person or an experience.
Saying it to other people
Approach her as a person rather than as a solution to your evening. The difference is obvious from the first sentence.
Ask what she is looking for before describing what you want. Most couples do this the wrong way round.
Do not present a package deal. Being told what will happen removes her choice and is the usual complaint.
Accept a no cleanly. Single women at events receive a great deal of attention and refusing is routine.
What it does not mean
- The word is an insult. Many single women use it about themselves. The objection is usually to behaviour rather than vocabulary.
- Unicorns are rare because few exist. Single women attend in reasonable numbers. What is rare is one who wants what a particular couple is offering.
- She is there for the couple. She is there for herself. A couple that forgets this tends to have a short and unhappy search.
- Both halves of a couple are equally interesting to her. Often not. Handling that honestly is the main skill involved.
- Unicorn hunting is a neutral term. It is usually a criticism, aimed at couples who treat single women as a shared acquisition.
Common mistakes
- Approaching as a unit with a plan, rather than as two people having a conversation.
- Describing what you want before asking what she wants.
- Assuming equal interest in both partners, then reacting badly when there is not.
- Treating a no as unusual, when she has probably heard and given several already that evening.
- Using the word about someone who has not used it about herself.
- Framing it as an opportunity for her rather than a mutual arrangement.
Often confused with
Bull, which describes a single man playing with couples, usually in a specific dynamic. The two words are not equivalents and are not used the same way.
Questions people ask
Is unicorn an offensive word?
Not inherently. Many single women use it themselves. Objections usually concern how couples behave rather than the word.
Why the name?
It refers to rarity. The idea is that a single woman who wants what a particular couple wants is hard to find.
What is unicorn hunting?
A criticism aimed at couples who treat a single woman as a shared acquisition rather than a person with her own preferences.
Do single women get in free at clubs?
Often at a much lower rate than couples or single men. Policies vary by venue.
What do couples most commonly get wrong?
Approaching with a plan already made, which removes her choice from the conversation.
What if she prefers one partner?
That is common. Agree beforehand how you will both handle it, because reacting badly ends the evening.
Should couples use the word when approaching?
Use whatever she uses. If you do not know, describing what you are looking for is safer than labelling her.
Are single women safe at clubs?
Well run venues take it seriously, often walking single women to their cars and acting quickly on complaints.
Is she expected to play with both?
No. Nothing is expected, and any assumption otherwise should be cleared up before anything starts.
Related terms
Browse every term in the swinger glossary, or find a venue in the swinger club directory.
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